Monday, August 31, 2009

The Personal Ad Files: Single Tabby Looking for Love!

Hey lady! You may think of me as your "pet cat", but I'm a fabulous single tabby, and I'm looking for love. I'm also looking for a way out of this dump. Since you have opposable thumbs and I don’t, I’m going to need you to get your big butt off the couch and place this ad for me in the local paper.

The ad should read:

I am a beautiful, single tabby with green eyes and long furs, looking to escape the mundane and boring existence that is my life. I enjoy hunting, fishing, catnaps, wine tasting, backyard barbecues, hot tubbing, culinary delights, bird watching, arts and crafts, pillows, and wicker furniture, just to name a few.

Ethnicity: Norwegian Forest Cat mixed with Feline Goddess

Height: 12 inches

Weight: None of your business! Did my human tell you to ask me that question?

Smoking: I'd love to, but my human doesn't think it's "healthy". Pffftttt.

Has Kids: No, but I just LOOOVVVE kittens! Delicious! Er, I mean, adorable!

Age: Again, none of your beeswax. Speaking of which, beeswax is delicious!

Body Type: Pear. I'm large-boned- you wanna make something of it?

Eye Color: You'll never know. I prefer to wear Jackie-O sunglasses.

Alcohol: Hey, you'd drink too if you lived in this dump.

Occupation: Blogger

Income Level: I receive payment in the form of cans of Fancy Feast. Can you believe that?!?

Martial Status: If I were anything other than single, would I be placing this ad?

Living Situation: Intolerable

Languages: Why, English, of course!

Astrological sign: Leo

Political Views: I give up. I mean, Socks got into The White House, and what did he do with his newfound power? Squandered it sleeping the day away and placing special orders with the White House Chef! Not that I would have done any differently, mind you.

Sense of humor: Not available


  1. Really you should have voted for me when I ran for president. Critters for Total World Domination is the only party to belong to!

    I think it is a fine personal ad and I am certain you will find the perfect male cat.

  2. I'll bet the Mancats are already lining up!

  3. Love it! Love, love, love your blog! Ariel, you're somewhat twisted personality is right up my ally! I'll be back for more!

  4. Oh Wow there's going to be a catfight in da Ozarks tonight. We have three handsome mancats looking for love. We have a Norweigian Forest kitty, a HUmongous Maine Coonish cat, and a rare Wannabe Persian kitty. They like everything you do except for da hot tub thingy, unless of course you fill it full of tuna.

  5. Ariel, you are sure to find a fine mancat with that great ad!
    Btw, MOL!!!!

  6. You'll have Toms howling outside your window in no time!

  7. Uh oh...there's already a fight in the Ozarks! Thanks for stopping by my pawty earlier!! I hope you had a nice time and had plenty to eat and drink!!

  8. Well, I must say Dante is available, although he is being PURRsued by a few other female kitties from the CB. Your mama and his mama have purrverted senses of humour, so maybe you and he would be a good match.

    What do you think?

    P.S. Dante doesn't know about this yet. He's too afraid of rejection, so I thought I'd find out for him first.

  9. P.P.S. If you don't know who Dante is, here is his own purrsonal website: