After having lived with a human for even the brief period of time that I have, it has become painfully obvious to me that none of you understand the mind of the cat at all. Therefore, I have put together this handy-dandy reference guide of definitions, which should help you immensely. Read it and weep.
Ariel's Quick Reference Guide to Understanding Your Cat
Human = Servant; he/she who opens cans, cleans poo, and moves their big butt over so I can have the choice spot on the bed.
Food = Anything that moves, breathes, or tastes delicious.
Litterbox = Not a specific location…more of a destination; anything that looks and/or feels comfortable; anything that should be destroyed for its own good (i.e. Grandma Smith’s handmade pea green blanket from 1979).
Cat Fancy = Required reading for all humans who are allowed to live with a cat. Attention Humans: take good notes. There will be a quiz later.
Cat beds = Huge waste of money. Your bed is so much more comfortable.
Dry cat food = Proof that humans do not understand cats in the faintest.
Your heart continuing to beat = You’re welcome.
Newspapers, magazines, important mail = Great for shredding and keeping our teeth sharp
Wildlife = Backyard smorgasbord = Delicious!