Top 10 Reasons It’s Great To Be Me
10. I poop, you pick it up
9. That needlework pillow Aunt Melba gave you as a wedding gift? Toast. And believe me, I’m doing you a favor.
8. It’s called sleeping. 18 hours a day.
7. I never have to eat my vegetables. They might kill me.
6. I don’t have to be nice, because I’m cute.
5. I poop, you pick it up.
4. By the good fortune of my own superior intelligence and craftiness, I have an endless supply of supplemental food sources, including, but not limited to, birds’ nests, woodchuck dens, squirrels’ lairs, and beehives. As if that dog food you call dinner could sustain me (sniff)
3. I will live to be 80 years old (in cat years- is there really any other kind?) and still look like I’m two. What’s your excuse?
2. I can stand on your face while you’re sleeping, and you’re none the wiser.1. The power that comes with the knowledge that I am the only thing standing between you and death. It’s lucky for you I can’t open cans.