Monday, August 24, 2009

Mr. Webster Takes A Dirt Nap


After having lived with a human for even the brief period of time that I have, it has become painfully obvious to me that none of you understand the mind of the cat at all. Therefore, I have put together this handy-dandy reference guide of definitions, which should help you immensely. Read it and weep.

Ariel's Quick Reference Guide to Understanding Your Cat

Human = Servant; he/she who opens cans, cleans poo, and moves their big butt over so I can have the choice spot on the bed.

Food = Anything that moves, breathes, or tastes delicious.

Litterbox = Not a specific location…more of a destination; anything that looks and/or feels comfortable; anything that should be destroyed for its own good (i.e. Grandma Smith’s handmade pea green blanket from 1979).

Cat Fancy = Required reading for all humans who are allowed to live with a cat. Attention Humans: take good notes. There will be a quiz later.

Cat beds = Huge waste of money. Your bed is so much more comfortable.

Dry cat food = Proof that humans do not understand cats in the faintest.

Your heart continuing to beat = You’re welcome.

Newspapers, magazines, important mail = Great for shredding and keeping our teeth sharp

Wildlife = Backyard smorgasbord = Delicious!

11 comments:

  1. Actually I like my cat bed. It beats sleeping with the human who moves WAY too much and is far too big!

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  2. We will be sure to show this list to our human so she will get a better understanding! Great list!

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  3. Ariel, I think you have advanced the cause of human-feline understanding! I hope all peoples read this.

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  4. Ariel, you are the mistress of succinct humour!
    You've got it down to a science. Really, you should publish a book.

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  5. So so true...but as for the dry food...well I like dry food when there is no tuna or other fishy flavours available

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  6. That's a great list to add to my definitions for my mom.

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  7. That is a very good primer for humans.
    --Jasper

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  8. We like your definitions much better than Mr. Webster's...

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  9. You did really goods on this☺ We hope that you's does another installment next week☺

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  10. What a great blog! Thanks for the important information!!!

    We have missed visiting with you!!!

    Love, uSSSSS

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