Friday, August 28, 2009

Madame Zelda Speaks!

Hello, lady. I am Madame Zelda. I am a teller of fortunes, seer of the future, mistress of mysticism. What's that? I look like Great Grandma Formaldehyde, aka your cat, Ariel? Nonsense! Utter foolishness! I have been hired by a person or persons, to remain otherwise unidentified, to tell your future. Are you ready? Here goes:

I am looking into my crystal ball. No, that’s not just a very large marble- ridiculous! It's very cloudy....very…smelly....did you pass gas? Oh, never mind. Maybe that was me. Ah! Now I see you at a store. You are surrounded by cylinders of tin....I see the words "Fancy Feast"....You are buying every single one, in various delicious flavors! Now you are purchasing dozens of rotisserie chickens at the deli! -By the way, make sure you only buy barbecue flavor, unless you want your toes to be mysteriously gnawed off in the middle of the night. Now you are back at home. I see you opening all the cans and serving them on fine china. There are chicken legs flying everywhere! It’s an all-out buffet, just for your cats Ariel and Okie! You do have some intelligence and couth after all! Why, this is marvelous! Wait, wait…now I see Ariel, her adorable little belly all distended and bloated, sprawled out in the middle of a large fluffy bed…she has the ‘chicken burps’…I see you, curled up on the floor at the foot of the bed…Ah! I just love it when the future looks bright.

7 comments:

  1. Let us knows iffin' this works good cuz we are goin' ta hire you's to do the same thing to our momma! Do you's think it will work over the phone?

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  2. What a wonderful future!! Sounds fabulous!

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  3. Hmmm! This fortune teller seems to have Ariel's interests at heart! Very suspicious!

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  4. Chicken burps? That sounds fantastic!

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  5. I think Ariel's future looks so bright, she will have to wear shades!

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  6. Good to know that there's another mystic kitty amongst us!

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