My day

7:15 a.m. Check to see if serving tray with rose and Fancy Feast artfully arranged on an heirloom china plate to be served in bed is ready
7:46 a.m. Check again
8:02 a.m. Still checking
8:16 a.m. Reluctantly settle for Fancy Feast in cat dish on floor
8:59 a.m. Take nap
9:30 a.m. Kill fly; eat it
10:47 a.m. Nap
11:13 a.m. Watch pigeon on back deck through binoculars; plan roast pigeon with root vegetables
12:41 p.m. Choke down unappetizing kibble
12:59 Sink to new low; attempt to scale trash can for leftover chicken Kiev
1:30 p.m. Nap
1:55 p.m. Jump on computer keys in futile attempt to access icanhascheezburger.com
3:01 p.m. Boss around neighborhood kittens
3:47 p.m. Nap
5:45 p.m. "Owners" home from work. Yawn.
6:14 p.m. Sort through mail; confiscate Friskies coupons
7:27 p.m. Nap
9:01 p.m. Look pitiful and mewl until baby lambchops and arugula appear on silver tray; wake with a start and realize only a tantalizing dream
10:27 p.m. Nap
11:00 p.m.- 6:00 a.m. Run around the house at top speed, pausing only to climb curtains, pick fight with other cat, and search out noisy toys under the sofa