Sorry, Jenny

Hey lady! I saw that diet 'food' -and I use that term loosely- you are trying to pawn off on me. I'm not overweight! I just have big fur. Ok, well maybe I have indulged just a tad too much as of late. But nature offers so many tasty delicacies, how can I resist? I tried to cut back, really I did.

I know that I have a penchant for lunch

Morning, noon, and night, I do like to munch

But it seems my collar, it fits no more

I can barely squeeze through the litterbox door

This is a problem I must try to fix

A little less bacon, some more Meow Mix

But it's not as easy as it should be

I have a weakness for pigeon with a nice cup of tea

I did some Pilates, tried to kickbox

Then took a break for some bagels and lox

Next I decided to try Jenny Craig

But they kicked me out when I gnawed on her leg

(Hey, it looked like a giant drumstick. So sue me.)

The Ballad of the Sandwich

All this talk about beaches and picnics has given way to some deep reflective introspection. Specifically, what kind of sandwiches are my favorite? I have spent a whole 5 minutes contemplating the answer to this complex question, and as often is the case, am bestowing on you, the public, a glance into the mind of a fascinating individual (that's me) through the medium of poetry. Enjoy.

Sandwiches

My favorite sandwich is Jam & Baby Lamb

I also am quite partial to Blue Jay & Spam

But who can forget Chipmunk & Ham

Do I have to pick just one?

How about a nice Raccoon on Wheat

Top it with a side of crunchy bird's feet

Wash down with a martini, I like mine neat

I'm feeling bloated already

I'd like to try Kitten on Rye

Or a little Mouse Salad; I think it's a tie

It's too bad they all have to die

But I need to feed my face

The End