Showing posts with label cat blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cat blog. Show all posts

Monday, July 13, 2009

Great-Grandma Formaldehyde

Okie: Ariel, I was rooting through that box in the corner looking for something to cough up a furball on, when I came across this picture. Who is it?

Ariel: Allow me to introduce my great grandmother, Formaldehyde.

O: Formaldehyde? What’s a Formaldehyde?

A: Formaldehyde was the only child of Otis and Winky Fluffenheiser of Akron, OH. She ran away at age 2 to perform in a traveling circus. She was a famous cabaret dancer, with admirers from all across the world.

O: Why does this other picture show her sitting on a bale of hay and eating flies?

A: Ok, ok, perhaps I exaggerated a bit. She used to put this handkerchief on her head and tell fortunes. She even predicted my birth and what a gift I would be to the human race.

O: That seems a little far-fetched to me.

A: Well, maybe I’m stretching just a wee bit.

O: You know, she looks a lot like you.

A: Me? That’s utterly and completely ridiculous! Absurd!

O: That is you! Oh my. My oh my. How could you let someone put you in that silly outfit and then take your picture? Ha ha ha ha ha!

A: How humiliating...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

An Ode to...Me, Of Course












An Ode to Me

Roses are red, violets are blue
My favorite thing is avoiding you
You might think that I’m cuddly and sweet
But baby bird filets are my favorite treat

I like chipmunks and squirrels and woodchucks and mice
But my best recipes are not very nice
Cream sauce and pesto, marinara too
If you fall asleep, I might try them on you

I think people like you are a necessary vice
Someone’s got to clean up those leftover mice
I cannot help it, I’m just being me
Now bring me some bacon and a nice cup of tea

I’d love to stay and chat for a while
But I’ve got some business to do on your new tile

Friday, July 10, 2009

When good cats go bad

Okie: Should we take him out?
Ariel: Possibly. He has not consented to any of my demands. If you stay where you are and hold him down, I can hit his jugular and then...game over.
O: But who's gonna open cans for us?
A: Hmmm. Good point. I guess this killjoy is good for something. (Menacing whisper) But just remember, Chuckles, your days are numbered.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Kentucky Fried Kittens

Today I am having a picnic lunch. I just happened upon this delicious looking lunch box (pictured above); it has white meat and dark meat, my favorite! I'll just add a side order of chipmunk tails, a red and white checkered cloth, and a nice dry Chablis, and I'll be on my way. What's that? Those are rescue kittens and are not for eating? I'm shocked you would think I would do something like that! That's absolutely (burp) ridiculous!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Delicious Holiday Recipe


Mrs. Fluffy's 4th of July Surprise

For this delicious patriotic recipe, you will need:

1 red robin
1 bluejay
1 container Cool Whip
8-9 dead flies or other assorted bugs
2 pieces tinsel

Find volunteer robin and bluejay; if volunteers not forthcoming, butterfly net should do the trick. Lay robin flat on lightly buttered waxed paper. Cover generously with Cool Whip. Sprinkle with flies and tinsel, then top with bluejay. Give thanks to our forefathers. Open jaws and enjoy.