Ariel's Top 5 TV Shows; An Exploration

Hey lady! I know that lately you have been a bit disappointed by how much tv I have been watching, but in my defense, I'M BORED. Also, there are some intriguing and frankly enlightening and educational programs out there. What's that? Name a few? With pleasure.

1. 10 Things I Hate About You- Do I have to limit it to just 10?

2. Prison Break- Inspirational!

3. Rescue Me- 'Nuf said.

4. Bones- I haven't actually seen any of the squirrel variety yet, but I expect to soon.

5. True Blood- True, false, whatever. Delicious!

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am trying to tell you something.

Top 10 Reasons It’s Great To Be Me

Top 10 Reasons It’s Great To Be Me

10. I poop, you pick it up

9. That needlework pillow Aunt Melba gave you as a wedding gift? Toast. And believe me, I’m doing you a favor.

8. It’s called sleeping. 18 hours a day.

7. I never have to eat my vegetables. They might kill me.

6. I don’t have to be nice, because I’m cute.

5. I poop, you pick it up.

4. By the good fortune of my own superior intelligence and craftiness, I have an endless supply of supplemental food sources, including, but not limited to, birds’ nests, woodchuck dens, squirrels’ lairs, and beehives. As if that dog food you call dinner could sustain me (sniff)

3. I will live to be 80 years old (in cat years- is there really any other kind?) and still look like I’m two. What’s your excuse?

2. I can stand on your face while you’re sleeping, and you’re none the wiser.

1. The power that comes with the knowledge that I am the only thing standing between you and death. It’s lucky for you I can’t open cans.

Great-Grandma Formaldehyde

Okie: Ariel, I was rooting through that box in the corner looking for something to cough up a furball on, when I came across this picture. Who is it?

Ariel: Allow me to introduce my great grandmother, Formaldehyde.

O: Formaldehyde? What’s a Formaldehyde?

A: Formaldehyde was the only child of Otis and Winky Fluffenheiser of Akron, OH. She ran away at age 2 to perform in a traveling circus. She was a famous cabaret dancer, with admirers from all across the world.

O: Why does this other picture show her sitting on a bale of hay and eating flies?

A: Ok, ok, perhaps I exaggerated a bit. She used to put this handkerchief on her head and tell fortunes. She even predicted my birth and what a gift I would be to the human race.

O: That seems a little far-fetched to me.

A: Well, maybe I’m stretching just a wee bit.

O: You know, she looks a lot like you.

A: Me? That’s utterly and completely ridiculous! Absurd!

O: That is you! Oh my. My oh my. How could you let someone put you in that silly outfit and then take your picture? Ha ha ha ha ha!

A: How humiliating...

Do you know where your slipper is?

Hey you! Yes, you. Now that I have your attention, I am pleased to inform you that I have taken your left fuzzy pink slipper hostage. It will be returned to you in itty bitty shards by way of my litterbox unless you submit to my list of demands:

-Daily happy hour served promptly at 4 o’clock; prefer an aged port and tenderized woodchuck medallions in a light cream sauce. To be served in the drawing room on family heirloom china.

-Breakfast served promptly at 6:10 a.m. No exceptions for holidays, weekends, or the Chinese New Year. They don’t have a Year of the Cat, I tinkle on their holiday.

-Internet access from 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. daily, with full access to Drs. Foster and Smith and Twitter, which had better be some sort of secret ‘in’ to the world of birds…or else.

-Okie would like her own Visa card.

-A playdate with the baby bluejays in the nest outside the bedroom window. Don’t worry, we won’t let them out of our bite- Er, sight.

-A subscription to Cat Fancy magazine. For you. I already know what I fancy.

-The bed. You can have the floor. And that’s being generous.

Kentucky Fried Kittens

Today I am having a picnic lunch. I just happened upon this delicious looking lunch box (pictured above); it has white meat and dark meat, my favorite! I'll just add a side order of chipmunk tails, a red and white checkered cloth, and a nice dry Chablis, and I'll be on my way. What's that? Those are rescue kittens and are not for eating? I'm shocked you would think I would do something like that! That's absolutely (burp) ridiculous!

Crafty Summer Crafts

If you’re looking for a fun project this summer like I am, try making this mobile. It will provide you with hours of fun!

You will need:
10 baby birds, preferably dead; assorted colors
Clear fishing line
Two flat pieces of wood
10 small bells
Nails
Shellac
Glitter

Take two pieces of wood and nail them together in a cross-like fashion. If you do not have opposable thumbs, fool unsuspecting human into wielding hammer – tell them you are making a project for Sunday school. Take baby birds and roll them in shellac. Sprinkle liberally with glitter. Cut 2 foot lengths of fishing line, string with bell, and tie firmly around each bird’s neck. Fasten other end to the pieces of wood. Find select spot to hang mobile, roll onto back, and enjoy.

My fur-st crush, Simba

When I say my first crush, I am talking about the first crush I have been the object of. And trust me, there have been many.

Delicious Holiday Recipe

Mrs. Fluffy's 4th of July Surprise

For this delicious patriotic recipe, you will need:

1 red robin
1 bluejay
1 container Cool Whip
8-9 dead flies or other assorted bugs
2 pieces tinsel

Find volunteer robin and bluejay; if volunteers not forthcoming, butterfly net should do the trick. Lay robin flat on lightly buttered waxed paper. Cover generously with Cool Whip. Sprinkle with flies and tinsel, then top with bluejay. Give thanks to our forefathers. Open jaws and enjoy.

Ho hum, another Saturday night...

Take a look at my picture....do I LOOK amused? This is Saturday night. What are we doing at home? I am not interested in watching another mundane episode of What Not to Wear. I know what not to wear, and I also know what to wear....to a club. Which is where we should be. Now.